​There are some people who just seem to have life’s Midas touch. They’ve had success in multiple careers. Their marriages are strong. Their children are excelling in school and sports. Dr. Dorian Williams, my guest on Your First $100k Podcast, is clearly one of these men.
 
But like 21 million other Americans, Dr. Williams was raised by a struggling, single mother. 
 
“My mother worked graveyard shifts at convenience stores as long as I can remember,” Dr. Williams says. “I had many opportunities to watch my mother wake up at 2 or 3 in the morning and leaving before school, go to work all day long, and still cook for me and have a meal when I got home. 
 
“For me, what really drove [me] was the want to not see my woman work like my mom did. That’s what drove me to say, 'There’s got to be a better way.'"

Startup Nation, if you grew up poor and without a father like Dr. Williams, I want to tell you that you’re not a victim. Yes, growing up in poverty sucks. I can relate. I grew up in poverty myself and my parents went through a long, painful divorce. My dad wasn't around like I wanted him to be.
 
But this adversity can become your secret weapon. Before Dorian knew what business, or strategy, or consulting even were, his gut told him something was wrong. And he was determined to fix it. So, when your instincts kick in and you say, “I don’t want that,” then YOU'VE JUST IGNITED A POWERFUL FIRE.
 
Your fuel to this fire are the answers to these two questions. What do you want? Why do you want it?

For Dr. Williams, it was to ensure his future wife never had to live like his mother did.
 
Once you answer these questions, you’ll start seeking solutions.
 
Dr. Dorian admits that curiosity was his ‘Aha’ moment. He recalls, “[I became] inquisitive about people who had more, who had everything from their bicycles to their cars to both their parents at home. I became a very nosy investigator. I started going, “hey, what do your parents do and how did they get here?”

​Men who grow up without fathers can have a difficult time pursuing their solutions, goals, and dreams. Like me, maybe you run after money, luxury, and girls. Then you burnout because you haven’t been taught what’s truly worthwhile for a man to pursue. Or maybe you go the opposite direction. Maybe you can’t seem to find any drive at all. You’d rather play videogames or go to happy hour with friends than build a good life for you and your family.

Either way, men need accountability. We can’t do it on our own.
 
Dr. Dorian found accountability in the military. 
 
“You’re used to having policies, and procedures, and checklists for everything,” he says. But that accountability doesn’t translate to the civilian business world. You need to find accountability outside built-in systems.
 
He advises business owners, “When you make this transition out of method and into creativity, it’s a madness… You have to go recreate and refind your innovation. You don’t need a checklist. What does your gut tell you? Do the research and don’t be so risk averse… If I can handle the worst-case scenario, I’m going for it. I plan for it. I deal with it… You write the checklist for your business. That’s up to you.” 
 
Startup Nation, when you write that checklist, will you stick to it? When you think about the childhood that you don’t want for your children, will you persevere to make sure their lives turn out differently?
 
When it comes to following the checklist, you have three options.

1. Workout your personal accountability muscles
At the end of the day, you control your business’ success. Develop habits and develop grit. Challenge yourself to become better in all areas of your life. But as a coach, I see entrepreneurs burnout and fail when they rely only on their own accountability. You are not enough.
 
2. Pay someone to do it
Whether you prefer freelancers, agencies, or employees, you need help running your business. You do not know everything. You are not the best at everything. You think you’re saving money by running the accounting and picking up your own dry-cleaning. In fact, you’ll stay more accountable to your business goals if you delegate secondary tasks and focus on the real money-making work.
 
3. Pay someone to hold you to it
Here is where the real magic happens. A coach supports you when your personal determination fails. A coach sees your blind spots and helps you develop areas of your life you can't see yourself... EVER. There are many kind of coaches out there: family coaches, business coaches, spiritual coaches. Whatever coach you need, I promise that YOU CANNOT BE SUCCESSFUL ON YOUR OWN. Get a coach.
 
Dr. Dorian has some great final advice on coaching. He says, “Somebody is doing this better than you are today. And if you can find that person and create a relationship with them and they monetize it, then where I would have thumbed my nose at it before, I write the check right away. Help me figure out what I don’t know and use your expertise to help me get there.”
 
Key Takeaway
 
We all have issues with accountability, especially men who grew up without fathers. Find a coach and mentor to avoid burnout, shortsighted decisions, and emotional blind spots.

Dr. Dorian Williams is up to big things. You can check out his platform at Strategybrother.com. Look our for his new book Strategic Planning for Black Folk​ coming soon.

Early on in her therapy business, Atara Malach was asked to speak to a group of working parents. As a parenting expert with six kids of her own, she was the perfect speaker for the event, and she was looking forward to it. 
 
On the night of the event, Atara was prepared. She had written her lecture days in advance. She had her notes ready to go. She looked the part of successful, professional woman. 
 
And as a loving mother, she had found a babysitter. She made sure the kids were fed. She even set out the kids’ clothes for the next day.
 
But as soon as she was about to leave for the lecture, her son curled up by the door and said, “Mommy, don’t leave.”

IT BROKE HER HEART.

Atara hugged him and told him things would be alright. She tried bribing him. The minutes ticked by. Eventually, she had to peel the little boy off her leg, hand him to the babysitter, and head to her talk.
 
When she finally stepped on stage, she couldn’t start her speech. She could only think of her son and how sad he had been as he watched his mom leave him. The guilt paralyzed her.
 
“I don’t know what to tell you,” she said. “I do know that I did not sign up for this, and I think that part of being stuck in my business life is feeling torn… When I am home, I’m thinking about business and when I’m at my business I’m feeling guilty that I’m not where I should be.”

​Startup Nation, today I’m going to share a story, and it’s going to be a story about Jesus. I know not all my listeners are Christian or even religious. That’s ok. But this story reveals a critical mindset that allows entrepreneurs like you to overcome tiredness, frustration, and depression.
 
One day Jesus was on a mountain teaching a large crowd of people. He was teaching them about how to live and about who God is. This crowd wasn’t full of professors, or priests, or billionaires. These were regular people like you and me.
 
Jesus understood the problems facing regular people. He knew that we worry. We worry about jobs, and food, and clothing. So, to encourage the crowd of listeners, he said, “So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’… But seek first [God’s] kingdom and his righteousness, and all of these things will be given to you as well.”